August 19, 2021

Knowledge vs. Ignorance

"There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge'." 
                                                                                                                                       - Isaac Asimov

July 12, 2021

Going Back to Go Forward: The L-Shaped Room


There wasn't much to be said for the place, really, but it had a roof over it and a door which locked from the inside, which was all I cared about just then. I didn't even bother to take in the details -- they were pretty sordid, but I didn't notice them so they didn't depress me; perhaps because I was already at rock-bottom. 

Call it a slump. A reading slump? A blogging slump? A blogging about reading slump? It feels the former. For a few months I've been 'auditioning' books, or rather skimming (i.e. reading about four chapters or hitting the 40% mark on my Kindle), trying to find a book to latch onto, that ~calls~ to me. I'm usually not this picky, not this indecisive, or take this long to read anything, but this year began...confused. Freak snowstorms, insurrections, vaccination drama, personal illnesses...my body and mind just can't settle this year as I cautiously emerge from a quarantined cave....thus I'm distracted, slumping along, looking for lit stimulation. 
 
To get back in the groove of reading (and blogging about said reading), I decided to keep it simple. Back to a 'simpler' time, a decade ago, back when I first joined GoodReads (!) and browse the earliest additions to my e-bookshelves. Lynne Reid-BanksThe L-Shaped Room was one of the first books I added to my to-reads list when I joined. Reasons? I had just seen the 1962 film, starring Leslie Caron and Brock Peters, and wanted to read the source material. Simple. At the time, I know I was intrigued that British author Lynne Reid-Banks wrote it considering she wrote The Indian in the Cupboard series, which I read eons ago in elementary school. It always interests me when authors genre hopscotch throughout their careers, and this was quite the hop. 

The L-Shaped Room has very little in common with the Cupboard series (well, except for its focus on main characters in confined domains...). Published prior to sixties getting its swing on, The L-Shaped Room was a runaway hit, the starting point for author Reid-Banks' writing career, and a memorable addition to the "kitchen sink" realism genre. "Sink" tales tackled the 'taboo' topics concerning the working class poor, and an emerging counter-culture of young British angst at the close of the 1950s (this a much more gracious generational cultural acknowledgment than the usual lambasts us Millennials get...). For its time The L-Shaped Room was quite a groundbreaking narrative as it challenged conventional ideals of womanhood, sexuality, and childbirth, broadening the conversations when most spoke of them in hushed tones. Further diverging was its "kitchen sink" voice. Here we're not aware of the thoughts of the usual angst-riddled guy, but rather a young angsty girl --- an unmarried-pregnant-after-her-first-sexual-encounter angsty girl --- a voice that crackles on the pages with all the frustration, fear, regret, and uncertainty in its timbre.

While today we barely bat an eye over a teenaged/unmarried young girl being pregnant (this unless there was some nefarious, criminal reason why she is with child...) as we have celebrities procreating without bling on the ring finger, and have reality TV shows revolving around the daily drama of teenage mothers, the stigma of rearing a child solo as a woman was often a source of stringent shame and judgement in the mid-20th Century. It was something that you just did not flaunt. To shield such 'shame', a lot of single mothers pretended to be married or widowed. Our heroine Jane plays a similar act, and it's how she ends up in the l-shaped room, as it's the one place that can swallow her secret wholly.

January 20, 2021

"We will not march back to what was, but move to what shall be..."


Biggest take away from the Inauguration of President Joe Biden? People finally speaking in complete sentences and without vicious bigoted malice.

One aspect (out of a million) missing from -45's "presidency" was the care and proper feeding of language. It was all but abused as complete sentences, complete intelligent thoughts were non-existent. Where words were devoid of truth and clarity, distorted to antagonize and gaslight, wielded as a weapon to be divisive and push misleading propaganda --- and sometimes just outright misspelled. Covfeve hamberders anyone? Like I said, abused. Some irreversible damage has been done having lying sacks of traitorous turds distort words and verbally abuse a nation day in and day out for four years, but (thankfully) today the proper use of language is on the road to restoration.

Amanda Gorman dropped the mic with her poem "The Hill We Climb", and it was the right language, the right tone to usher in Biden and Kamala Harris as our newly and legally elected president and vice president, and carry us into a difficult reassembling of our democracy. You can read the full poem here and prep a purchase of the upcoming collection where the inaugural poem will reside, but hearing Gorman speak gives the words room to really resonate. 

Gorman, who hails from Los Angeles, California and was specifically chosen by First Lady Dr. Jill Biden to speak at the inaugural, joins a small, but esteemed roster of poets who have set us onto a new path under new leadership here in the US. Yet, her being one of only five poets (and the youngest at that) to have spoken at a presidential inaugural speaks volumes about how little poetry and language as art is cherished and encouraged at the national level. We definitely need to do better. As poet laureate Rita Dove once said, "poetry is language at it's most distilled and most powerful" and in these fraught times we should look to such words like Gorman's to help guide us up and onward.

"The hill we climb 
If only we dare 
It's because being American is more than a pride we inherit
It’s the past we step into and how we repair it..."

December 31, 2020

Year In Review: The Four Seasons Landscaping of My Discontent

2020 was up on the ain't shit wasn't it? A year that felt like a decade rolled into 12 months. A year filled with plot twists, protests, and fascistic fuckery --- and that was just the pure insanity swirling around the 2020 US election season. A pandemic persisted, and was idiotically politicized to disastrous, and deadly results. A revolution to put an end to legalized genocide on Black American bodies was televised and TikTok'ed live across several nations, making for one of the largest civil rights uprisings in modern history. And for the season finale, a slow-moving coup happened in real time to a soundtrack of seditious screams, drunken slurs, and the nauseous gases of crusty, over-entitled white men in power. Every day, here in the winter of America, it was a test of endurance to look at a news feed and not let out a string of expletives. Saying "wtf" every day was my new cardio, the only exercise to fight off the quarantined pounds. On the personal front, I was laid off, contracted a terrible hybrid migraine/sinus infection situation that kept me bedridden, got my first grey hair witch hair this year, and the long-awaited Miss Fisher Murder Mysteries film was terribleawful...so yes, 2020 can fuck right off

What kept my four seasons landscaping of discontent from eroding into a further mental and physical shitshow were the books (and music --- thank you Spotify subscription, the only subscription I could afford this year -__-) that I consumed. Escapism was a must

At the beginning of the year, I planned on reading 20 books for 2020 (me trying to be 'cute'), and in a way with being quarantined and laid off, you'd think I'd have 'time enough at last' to read past that point, but that wasn't the case. Same with blogging. To coincide with the theme of this year, things just didn't go as planned and derailed with sparks flying BUT I'm attempting to put a positive spin on the fact that I DID reach my reading goal and I DID blog about 45% - 55% more than I did last year, and that IS progress, and progress I can build on into the new year. *throws confetti* So enough with excuses and defeatism...


By now I've accepted that my reading patterns can be scattershot as much as it can be variations on a consistent theme. My reading practice is akin to spinning a globe and letting my finger drop on a random portion and that's where I will "go". In short, I didn't choose the book, the book chose me. Often choosing me in the right hour, right moment to bring some sort of clarity or solace amid the chaotic spin.

I began the year with E.L. Doctorow's Ragtime which felt prophetic a choice as it does cram a whole era into a fictionalized context defined by a varying swath of characters (revolutionaries, politicians, murderers, bigots, immigrants, businessmen, sex symbols, entertainers) that represent America in a time of serious transition. Just super fitting for how "era defining" and character driven this year felt. I can bet that some Ragtime-esque novels to describe this tumultuous era will be making their way to shelves in the near future. Who knows maybe yours truly will write one of those books... <--- yes, let's put that energy out there, shall we? *wink* 

When the pandemic hit, my mood reflected the reads, taking dark turns into books about insidious sexual grooming (Kate Elizabeth Russell's My Dark Vanessa) and about cheating murderous couples from a true crime perspective (Ron Hansen's fictional reimagining of "The Dumb Bell" Murders A Wild Surge of Guilty Passion) and a classic realist literary perspective (Emile Zola's Therese Raquin). If the pandemic wasn't unnerving enough, I faced a 'haunted quarantine' by delving into modern horror classics (Ira Levin's Rosemary's Baby, Laura Purcell's The Silent Companions, and Herman Raucher's Maynard's House) that felt claustrophobic in their nature as did I. And since I was still living under the ketchup and feces smeared hand of -45, a few autocratic dystopian reads found their way into the pile (Joan Samson's The Auctioneer and Yoko Ogawa's The Memory Police), and their eerie elements of cult of personality and surveillance scare tactics blurred fiction and reality.

Plans for reading in 2021? Rare it is that I apply reading goals for the following year as scheduling a particular book or reading through one set genre seems so limiting and unnatural to me. I did take mental notes to improve upon some areas that I lagged in this year, as I need to add more plays and/or poem collections into the mix. Also these past four years watching our Constitution get used as hoarded toilet tissue has taught me more about civic government and constitutional law than any social studies teacher I've ever had (apologies to Mr. Grissom, who was the best of the bunch), but I still feel there is much I need to know to stay vigilant, so some more political and historical books will probably be added into the mix. So like the new Biden Administration (my, that has such a nice sound to it...) I've got a lot of work (and reading) to do!

Be safe, be well, be excellent to each other in 2021 (and wear a damn mask!). 

December 17, 2020

The Meaning of Marylin


True story: Eons ago I had a roommate who decked our whole apartment living area in Marylin Monroe garb --- framed photos, decorative boxes, throw pillows and blankets --- and yet, when you asked her what her favorite Marylin movie* was, she'd draw a blank, blinking stare. Clueless, not conflicted: she had never seen a Marylin Monroe film. In fact, she didn't know much about Marylin beyond the superficial (pretty, white, blonde, and famous). This surface level adulation, the association with my roommate (who was terribleawful in other ways) and her decorative tackiness, along with the onslaught of Marylin's legendary image as THE pinnacle of glamour above all led to me being turned off by the idolization of Marylin Monroe, and even Marylin: The Person to some extent. 

Yeah, I know, Kim there's people that are dying...

For someone who believes variety is the spice of life, the imagery of Marylin while dazzling and iconic, did seem somewhat...typical and too white beauty-centric for me to immerse in --- this knowing she wasn't the only vibrant, glamorous and talented personality to come out of the golden ages of Hollywood history. As a Black woman, I looked to a different, often ignored spectrum as I preferred to celebrate Lena Horne, Diahann Carroll, Diana Sands, Marpessa Dawn, and Dorothy Dandridge (whose life and death have eerie similarities to Marylin...). Women who did the most with the slither of spotlight they were warranted. Women who were also beautiful and talented, and bonus, 'looked' more like me --- their representation mattered more, honestly.

So why did I read a book about Marylin after all this judgement and pettiness? Well, because a) I love diving into a good Hollywood biography/memoir, b) Quarantine binge watching led me to view Lifetime's mini-series The Secret Life of Marylin Monroe, and I felt a lot was missing and wildly fictionalized (I mean, it was on Lifetime...), and c) I wanted to give Marylin --- the woman and the enigma --- a chance to re-introduce herself. 

Let me clarify: I don't dislike Marylin Monroe. Even with the oversaturation of her image, it is without fallacy. She was a beautiful, captivating icon for the ages. Her cotton candied blonde bombshell image, white skirt blown up by hot subway air still haunts and arouses 58 years after her death, remaining a constant in replication, whether to push many a product, personify Hollywood hierarchy or is emulated to imitation from fashion editorials to drag shows. We feel that with Marylin's image around --- if we can slip into it someway --- we're closer to the star spangled fantasy of fame. That if a simple girl named Norma Jean Mortensen could make it, we can too if we just pout our lips, thrust out our busts, and talk breathlessly. Still, nobody has come close to replicating her aura, try as many have. 

Her and James Dean share a similar mythos for their image and tragic short lives, and how they represented this sort of Americana image of youthful success and sexiness, and the tragic pitfalls of it. Unfortunately, Marylin being a woman is scrutinized to a greater degree than James Dean, whose rebellious persona is lauded as ideal masculinity, whilst Marylin is subjected to this "beautiful bimbo blonde" sex object stereotype. It's also why Marylin's misunderstandings are what intrigue me as well, considering how I had my own. 

Marylin was more than just beauty marks, diamonds, mental illness, and the Kennedys, and I wanted to know more beyond the superficial and speculative. I wanted someone to really show me a side to Marylin that I might have overlooked, and misogynistically misunderstood. 

Well, as with a legendary icon, there are lots of sides out there to explore. Zillions upon zillions of books about Marylin exist. Zillions upon zillions of stories, conspiracies and contradictions, observations and opinions about who and what she was also exist. It was difficult to weed through the inaccurate, exploitive, conspiracy riddled, fictitious, and outdated texts to find a book that eschewed such star biography hallmarks, but luckily for me, Charles Casillo's Marylin Monroe: The Private Life of a Public Icon won out as while being a fan, he doesn't stan to where he's skimping on facts and flaws. He offers several viewpoints, none not too flattering or too scathing, making for an informative balance. 

Casillo also avoids framing Marylin's life as "Wikipedia page as a book", where even as linear it is, it's a surprisingly fresh take at her life. The writing is also vibrant and lyrical, never tedious, this even when Casillo is attempting to "armchair analyze" Marylin's thought processes, and give through behind-the-scenes accounts of Marylin's filmography. He places you into the spin of 1950s and 1960s Hollywood and its politics, its dazzle and its difficulties, and how Marylin navigates it to success and tragedy...and it's pretty riveting, thought-provoking stuff. 

December 14, 2020

Lolita's Ghost Speaks

"I just really need it to be a love story. You know? I really, really need it to be that. Because if it isn't a love story, then what is it?"

23. This is the exact number of years that Harvey Weinstein, notorious Hollywood producer and all-around predatory creep, received for sexual abuse in the New York courts. Years. Not months. Years. What does this mean? As the celebratory confetti swirled, this question lingers. Have we reached that watershed moment of taking abusers, even the highest, the whitest, the most financially secured to task? Clarifying what consent is? Are we even going forward? (Over 70 million voting for an orange sexual assaulter and serial rapist shitbag to occupy the White House means we're still stuck in the ditch...). 

Weinstein's and Bill Cosby's convictions, the Jeffery Epstein/Ghislaine Maxwell unraveling, the judicial victory of E. Jean Carroll's sexual asssault suit against Agolf Shitler, the ferocious surge of the #MeToo movements telegraph a sociopolitical sea change this as we enter into a new decade and contest with the now opened Pandora's box as more victims are finding their voices, wielding the weapon of words to strive for accountability and truth.

My Dark Vanessa adds its voice to a stream of fiction that attempts bring context to our current cultural response to sexual violence, but it takes on a language that is raw and realist, rather than veiled and implied. Its wealth of pages explores the complexities of sexual abuse --- the gaslighting and accusations that encompass it, the trauma that endures from it, and the persons who become ensnared in its insidious manipulative rhythm. For her debut, Kate Elizabeth Russell has drawn one sinister account of a young girl's abuse, and how this abuse continues to defile and define her into adulthood. As a whole, this book is disturbing, devastating, and stirs disgust, and sadly it doesn't offer solutions, or solace. More so it's a reminder of what silences, denials we're still facing today and how rot-rooted sex abuse is within our society, and how the truth is the only antidote to combating against it. Many an emotion was had by reading this, and I can't say it was enjoyable, we're viewing a woman's dissent into the quagmire of her past, and its a wretched way down. 

November 30, 2020

Novella November: Ghachar Ghochar + Aura

Consider me embarrassed as Ghachar Ghochar is my first introduction to South Asian/Indian literature. It shouldn't have been. It won't be my last for sure, but I do kind of wish I had read something a bit more...profound. 

Vivek Shanbhag is a good writer. That above statement isn't a slight to his talent. His sentences are crisp, clean, with no frills, but are plentiful in meaning. Srinath Perura is also a great translator as the translated prose goes down smooth and easy...but that's this book's exact problem: It's too easy. 

There isn't much...here. A family was once poor and then they become rich and the money ruins them --- everything becomes ghachar ghochar: a tangled mess. Money can't buy it. Money's too tight to mention. Money changes everything. Mo' money mo' problems. I have heard all the songs, thus there isn't anything enlightening, or arresting about this family's downfall, it was just the inevitable.

"It's true what they say--it's not we who control money, it's the money that controls us. When there's only a little, it behaves meekly; when it grows, it becomes brash and has its way with us. Money had swept us up and flung us in the midst of a whirlwind."

Interest lies in the narration, this done by the loafer son. He's neither hero or voice of reason, and it's a quiet, bold choice for Shanbhag as this unnamed manchild (what is with me reading books with nameless characters this year?) isn't likeable in the slightest, and yes, that must be the point. He is observant in how his family has devolved, but nonchalant and self-victimizing in the tell. He wanders and lays about, has a "job" in the family's spice business but it's only a baseless title, as he never works for the hefty paycheck he receives like clockwork in his bank account. His sister is a selfish temperamental snob. His mother a blind loyalist to the shift of dynamics, with fears she'll be encroached upon by whatever woman her son or brother-in-law bring into the home. His father morphs from a hard-working provider to a standby mute. As they become shells of themselves, they all orbit around the ambitious, borderline autocratic uncle whose questionable business practices have gifted them this lush life --- and they dare not question it for fear of losing their newfound wealth. <--- The characters are there, but they don't evolve beyond this and feel predictable. Happy and supportive when poor, apathetic and amoral when rich. No shading, no surprises. Honestly, the family didn't seem that wholesome and devoted even while poor, so the impact of their greed wasn't jarring to me. 

There's an additional whiff of sexism that wafts in the text that didn't sit right with me. The intrusion of our narrator's wife, Anita, a liberated woman disrupts the family dynamic with her "quaint" middle-class ideals, and headstrong, yet empathetic personality. While she's painted as an disagreeable outsider by our narrator, she's actually the character I agreed with the most (#nastywomenunite). Not sure if Shanbhag is flexing realism within the fictitious or making himself a stand-in for his narrator (I always expect the latter when the character is mysteriously ~unnamed~), but there are some cringing dialogue that volleys between the family that is quite chauvinistic and bizarre, especially a really weird conversation about justifying men murdering their wives. Yeah... I'm not well-versed on the treatment of women in Indian culture, but since shitty men come in all colors, creeds and nationalities, I can deduce within the book's world, women are considered second class and a nuisance, especially to our pissbaby narrator.

Flipping that argument is how Shanbhag ascribes a double standard when it comes to our narrator's marriage to Anita. First it's a little...funny our narrator disparages strong women, this while he chooses Anita for a wife, this as she seems to be of independent mind and purpose, traits and drive he lacks. His interest in marriage is also...funny, as he's much more eager to get married to Anita than she is to him, which is quite the switch of gender dynamics. In a way, our narrator is emasculated from both sides, by his 'feminist' wife and by his moneyed uncle, and that's why this book is almost a lengthy complaint of this realization. <---Fascinating sketch there, but for how slim this book is, it doesn't feel satisfying or harbors much depth. And that ending? Oof. So unfulfilled.

All while reading I kept thinking that there was something missing, and that maybe this would be one of the few times I felt a novella needed more pages, more subplots, more depth. This book just lacks a point, or rather a unique outlook. Sure money corrupts, sure money is the root of all evil, sure mo' money breeds mo' problems...and what? This book is too flimsy to be a morality tale, as it ends up being no more than an elaborate synopsis. Disappointing.

////


"What is Aura expecting of you? What does she want, what does she want?"

I'm wondering that still after reading. What is Aura, Carlos Fuentes' most well-known, celebrated story expecting of me? What does it want? --- and maybe the questions lingering is the point. 1962 knocked back this quick drink of Gothic horror that broke ground for its warped magical realist imagery and just plain weirdness. Some decades and even weirder horror stories and films later, it has lost its luster a touch. Just a touch...

For Fuentes' aromatic and engaging writing, Aura is disjointed --- appropriately so. It has the feel of entering an opaque, congested nightmare, where it strips the fear to its naked core and breeds doubt and confusion. Told in the second person --- to where I got the nostalgic feels of it being a Choose Your Own Adventure tale --- but "we" are supposed to be Felipe Montero, a young historian who is lured by an job advertisement that seems destined for him. The advertisement leads him to the doorstep of Consuelo Llorente, a spectral, aging widow who wants Montero to organize, transcribe, and publish the memoirs of her deceased husband, General Llorente, this before she dies. Montero has some apprehension about the job till his eyes meet the magnetic green ones of Aura, Consuelo's niece, whom becomes Montero's focus of desire as much as the catalyst for his destiny. To say more would ruin the twisted trip this short novel draws one into. 

If I could go back, I'd have carved out time in my insomniac hours to read this straight through, as this story demands that you're about as delirious and woozy as the prose itself. Reading a chapter daily, I suppressed a lot of dread and suspense, leading me to feel a bit lukewarm about the whole ordeal. Still there was a lot of weirdness to go around to unmoor me during my readings: There is a red-eyed rabbit named Saga, scuttling rats and screeching unseen cats, thick, heady foliage that shrouds the perception and senses --- you have no exact grounding of where you're at that is unsettling. 

Consuelo has a Miss Havisham vibe about her, her lounging in her bed, drifting around her home, and dancing with her dead husband's military uniform was some chilling character imagery. The collision course of the past intruding into the present, blurring the distinction of the two is a special kind of terror that I particular enjoy. For all its talks of it being 'magic realism', Aura has more in common with the crumbling mansions by the moors in 19th Century Gothic romances and Lovecraftian grotesque theater, than the usual surrealistic pillows Latin literature offers, but that's just me.

Still, for me, there was *too much* going on. Cats, goats, rodents, a Voodoo doll even shows up under a dinner plate...its a exhaustive mosaic of people, animals, plants, hallways, rooms, lights, colors, objects --- of course all colliding together to stoke the eeriness --- but it lent things to become too abstract in a way that left me questioning where Fuentes was going with this and if he had made an oops by overstuffing his narrative with every horror trope known.

...then again (and once again) that's probably the point, to be unsettled, disoriented and confined in this batshit macabre nightmare, and nothing more. Not sure if I really enjoyed the journey Aura took me on, but the writing and the weirdness made this still a worthwhile read.

November 16, 2020

The Memory Police


"My memories don't feel as though they’ve been pulled up by the root. Even if they fade, something remains. Like tiny seeds that might germinate again if the rain falls. And even if a memory disappears completely, the heart retains something. A slight tremor or pain, some bit of joy, a tear."

Imagine waking up and discovering your loved ones, the necessities, and freedoms of day-to-day living have vanished, one by one. Where sustenance becomes scarce, the conditions of living have devolved into a frigid, hollowed squalor, and where the protesting of such vanishings proves impossible due to your lack of remembrance of them ever existing. It in itself is difficult to fathom, but it's the life on an unnamed island where an oppressive regime has held its occupants and their memories hostage. Yoko Ogawa has created this barren totalitarian alter-verse in The Memory Police, where a young writer copes with a vacant livelihood and loved ones she can't recollect, this all as the world slips away. 

While attempting to regain a sense of herself within her writings, out unnamed narrator lives life in a limbo of fear and indifference. Fear is in the form of the shadowy Memory Police, a militarized force that dictates what is to be disposed, and erased from conscious in order to maintain control of the island's citizens. Those that thwart the disposal of, or resist to fall in line with the memory erasure are whisked away to never be seen again --- this a fate our nameless narrator's parents have endured. Indifference follows once these particular items --- whether its roses, birds, photographs or perfume --- are disposed or destroyed. Our narrator is aware of the absences of particular items, and can "feel" their absences upon waking up, but once the disposal or disappearance of such is gone, her concern, and sympathies about the losses ceases.

With haunting and understated pacing, The Memory Police draws a fascinating premise, as its world mirrors the real-life autocratic police-state regimes in North Korea and Russia, as much as arouses thoughtful 'cautionary' dialogue for Westerners about the preciousness of memory, and the dangers of censorship and corrupt surveillance operations. With these kinds of books we're always wondering how individuals can become ensnared in such a suppressive environment, and The Memory Police provides a horrible world that teeters away from fiction into reality, but somewhere down the line it becomes tangled up in its own philosophy and leaves with more questions than answers. 

October 30, 2020

The Collector


"I know what I am to him. A butterfly he has always wanted to catch." 

With the onslaught of formulaic TV crime procedurals these days, I had to read this book with a different frame of mind. I even had to expel a bit of what I remember about the (excellent) 1965 William Wyler-directed film, starring Terence Stamp and Samantha Eggar, because as much as the film is chilling and influenced future twisted thrillers (here's looking at you, Silence of the Lambs and Misery...) it only peeled back just a few of the layers John Fowles' cleverly constructed in the pages of his debut novel. 

The Collector is a psychological suspense thriller, and depending on your opinion, the first of its kind. It involves a butterfly collecting sociopath who after winning the football pools decides to put his winnings into remodeling a countryside manor so he can kidnap and 'collect' a young woman he's been obsessed with. Since such a storyline is blurred between fiction and fact these days, The Collector by summary feels a tad less compelling, but even when I knew every turn I still managed to feel unsettled, engaged, and even conflicted while reading. There was something so stirringly captivating about Fowles pitting these two characters in this disturbing power struggle, becoming audience to how they both perceive their situation, and how complex it all was.

For the first part, you go inside the warped mind of Fredrick Clegg as he stalks and then prepares to kidnap the object of his obsession, a young art student named Miranda Grey. From Fredrick's perspective, you view Miranda as a difficulty, and you oddly start to victim blame, because well, Fredrick comes off being oh so "nice". He's fixing fancy meals, he's bought Miranda everything her heart's desire, and he's made a nice comfortable spot for her in a cellar surrounded by books and painting tools. He even states he only wants her as his "guest". The internal dialogue has you almost sympathizing with Fredrick (yeah, gross I know), as he comes off as this lonely and socially awkward guy who is looking for a friend, and just goes about it in the most ineptest way imaginable.

But the record scratch of reality comes in the middle as the narrative switches gears and we become privy of Miranda's thoughts through a secret diary she keeps between the mattress. At first this transition was jarring, and since she recounts most of everything you have read for the last 100 pages it all seems like a bad literary decision, but it's not, in fact it's a brilliant turn of character building. Miranda is now not bound and gagged by her captor, she is 'free' to speak her mind in her secret diary and we begin to understand the claustrophobic nightmare she is desperately trying to claw out of. From these pages, we learn that Miranda is quite intelligent and resourceful as she tries to figure out ways to best Fredrick, submitting to and resisting him all for the sake of survival. It's devastating to read how she slowly realizes just how insane Fredrick is and how day-by-day she becomes less of a human in his eyes, but more of an inanimate object that is only to be admired, likened to his framed butterflies. 

"I’m meant to be dead, pinned, always the same, always beautiful. He knows that part of my beauty is being alive, but it’s the dead me he wants. He wants me living-but-dead."  

September 28, 2020

Misery Business With Pickles On Top

How committed this slim book is to rolling in the muck of listless, lethargic apathy whilst coming of age in the 21st Century. Commits to its protagonist without potential. A protagonist that is an alcoholic pregnant pizza delivery girl (yup, you read that right), who descends into her own mental wasteland after she becomes attached to a customer that reaches out to her with an odd request for pizza toppings. Pizza Girl just commits, takes risks, and delivers (groan) a slice (groan) of unlikable characterization that can be of an acquired taste this side of pickles on pizza. 

With the hazy hustle of Los Angeles as the backdrop, our Pizza Girl is trudging through the mire of her existence. Fresh out of high school, she lives with her Korean immigrant mother who idolizes any and everything American (subtly coded as American = "Whiteness") and high school beau/baby daddy Billy who dropped his college plans and sports dreams to become a proper, supportive father. Both are well-meaning, but dote on her to an almost infantile, suppressive degree. She also hasn't reconciled over the lost of her alcoholic father, as his chaotic presence lingers in the car she makes deliveries in and the backyard shed where our Pizza Girl retreats for early morning booze binges. Her deliveries have her in contact with a collage of offbeat characters, but they don't stand out as much as Jenny, and her curiosity over the frazzled stay-at-home mom who out of the mundane blue requests pickles on her pizza for her finnicky son, functions as a distraction from her daily despondency. Jenny curiously connects with our Pizza Girl, but soon an awkward one-sided infatuation grows, unfurling into something a bit more convoluted, insidious even. 

Fast-paced and readable, this has a dark, sarcastic humor mixed in with millennial malaise that at times had me laugh out loud or wince --- depending on mood --- as Jean Kyoung Frazier is spot-on about how transient, tense, and truly ridiculous, your emerging twenties are. There is also a familiar set-up here, as it is this zany tightrope walk between the adolescent acerbity of Juno, despondent minimum wage of pending mamahood of Waitress, and the dire delusions of Taxi Driver. It comes across redundant, but Frazier's prose allows her tale to wobble and walk well into being a wholly original and engaging world which I appreciated.

What I didn't appreciate?: Making a character do 180 serial killer shit as some dark comedic "character development". 

Yeah...big nope.

Spoilers abound...